As parents, we all want to ensure that our children get the best start in life. One of the most important skills we can provide them with is the ability to self-settle.
As a once exhausted mum, and through my training as an infant sleep consultant, I have learned that by teaching our children how to self-settle, we are equipping them with a valuable tool that will help them throughout their lives. In this article, we will explore how self-settling can benefit children, the challenges of teaching self-settling, and the strategies that can be used to help children learn this skill.
Self-settling is the term applied to the ability of a baby to 'soothe' themselves to sleep or rest, without the parent's assistance or ‘negative sleep associations’ as they are known in the sleep world. Does your baby need to self settle? No. Of course not. If your are happy and want to continue settling your baby to sleep, then there is no need to change anything! (Read my upcoming blog on ‘If it’s not a problem, don’t make it one’)!
However, the reality is, some parents find the regular overnight wake ups, the inability for their child to go to sleep without their assistance, the restrictions on being able to go out of an evening for fear that they’ll need to be home to resettle their baby, needing to be tied to the couch or bed for day naps….. exhausting. And it is ok to feel exhausted, because it’s sleep deprivation, and that is… well…. Exhausting! It’s also ok to want your baby to sleep through the night, or at least sleep longer stints through the night, and to sleep independently during the day instead of on you.
Studies have actually shown that sleep is vital for physical growth, intelligence, cognitive functioning and behaviour control, and the effects of good sleeping are seen in years to come (Mindell & Owens, 2009) - this is true for all people, babies included! Self-settling is a valuable skill for babies to learn and can be extremely beneficial to parents. And it is a skill that is life long! Once learnt, it is embedded so that even on rough nights of illness or a change in routine, your baby will go back to self-settling once they are well again. Self-settling is considered a vital component in sleep health and research indicates that if sleep problems are left untreated in the early years, they are likely to persist throughout childhood (Johnson and Mindell, 2011).
Self-settling involves teaching your baby to fall asleep independently, without the need for parental intervention. This can help to reduce parental stress and exhaustion, as well as create a more peaceful and consistent sleep environment for your baby. For example, if your baby is able to self-settle, you won't need to rock them to sleep or stay in the room until they drift off. Self-settling is an important skill for babies to learn - and it is learnt - most babies won’t self-settle automatically without being supported to do so.
Scientists have argued about when an infant is developmentally able to achieve self-settling, however it is generally accepted that before 6 months of age, infants are not capable of regulating their emotions (Porges, 2011), and therefore can not be expected to self-settle consistently. However, there are techniques we can use to start to gently encourage self-settling in younger babies that are both nurturing and safe. After 6 months, most babies do very well when they have a routine which forms a large component for learning the skill of self-settling.
Having a routine can be challenging at first but ultimately leads to less stress for parents as babies alike as everyone knows what to expect and when to expect it! And because babies and toddlers know what to expect, they become more independent and develop better sleep habits.
As self-settling is such an important skill for babies to learn, there are many strategies that can be used to help them. One of the most common strategies is to create a consistent bedtime routine. This helps babies to recognise when it is time to start winding down and preparing for sleep. Additionally, providing a comforting item such as a favourite blanket or stuffed animal can also help babies to feel secure and soothe themselves - this is safe from 6 months inline with SIDS recommendations. Another technique is to keep the sleeping environment dark and implementing white noise to help in calming the nervous system and stimulating melatonin production (the sleepy hormone).
Teaching your baby to self-settle can be a challenging experience for parents. It may take time and patience to help your baby learn to settle themselves and establish a healthy sleep routine. It is important to remember that each baby is different and will have different needs when it comes to developing self-settling skills. It is important to be patient and consistent with your approach, as this will help your baby develop the skills they need to settle themselves.
A sleep consultant can provide the support and guidance needed to ensure your baby is getting the quality sleep they need for healthy growth and development, and allows you to have the quality rest required to be the best parent. The old saying that ‘we can’t give from an empty cup’, is so apparent when it comes to parenting on very little broken sleep- we are definitely not the best versions of ourselves when we’re sleep deprived! For parents of a good sleeper, the effects are obvious for the whole family; everyone benefits from improved alertness, patience, resilience, improved physical health and for mothers particularly; a significantly reduced risk of developing post-natal depression. In a peer-reviewed study - the longest in Australia of its kind - it was reported that secondary benefits of consolidated infant sleep included better parent sleep, improved mental health, and stronger child-parent relationships (Symon, et al, 2012). Despite concerns that ‘sleep training’ techniques hinder the child-parent relationship, they actually significantly improved it.
Ultimately, hiring a sleep consultant can be an invaluable resource and investment for parents looking to establish healthy sleep habits for their baby. A sleep consultant can provide guidance on creating an individualised sleep plan tailored to the needs of your baby and family, as well as provide support and advice throughout the process. With the help of a sleep consultant, you can learn how to respond to your baby's needs in a way that promotes healthy sleep and self-settling skills. The consultant can also provide you with techniques to manage nighttime waking and other sleep issues, as well as provide tips for creating a consistent calm nuturingsleep environment for the whole family.
